Two-Day Ticking Time Bomb

Sometimes, the lamest little things get me so fired up. If you are reading this, chances are you've seen some of this first-hand. If you haven't, I'm sure it's only a matter of time. Generally speaking, I handle major life events with a respectable amount of grace. It's the little things people do or say that drive me nuts. These people are usually strangers or acquaintances, seeing as how I make it a rule not to hang around with total fucking douchebags. The up side to this (if there is one) is that I move on. My friend once called me a two-day ticking time bomb which I think is a pretty fair assessment. I totally infuriate over something but after a couple days, even a couple hours, I'm over it - almost as if nothing had happened. And as upset as I can get with those people, I rarely hold grudges. I'm lazy and let's face it, it's just too much work to be that damn pissed-off.

I am writing this post in response to an "episode" I had this morning which resulted in a scathing e-mail. I don't think the e-mail put me in the best of lights and I am pretty sure the recipient(s) of said e-mail thinks I am a total nut-job bitch.... but, a nut-job bitch that is sexually open to new ideas, so I'm pretty sure any guy can look past it.

Golf, guys, and style dilemmas

Well, this damn knee thing is really putting a crimp in my plans and it pisses me off. Not only can I not work out, it just plain sucks. It's sore and hurts and if I roll on my side when I sleep, the pain from my other knee hitting it wakes me up. Granted, the sleep wasn't going to be all that good, anyway, as I've been sleeping on couches and floors since the incident. Still.

What's more is that I have a wedding on Saturday, I bought a cute skirt and top a while back for the occasion and with my Quasimodo leg, I am very self-conscious about wearing it. I know what you're thinking -so wear pants. (Such a guy way of thinking) The problem is the trousers I have look like just that - trousers. Even the cute ones look like something you would wear to work, even if I dress it up with a silk top or something. This is sort of a hick town, but I don't care, I am not a hick and refuse to dress inappropriately. So, crap

Additionally, Saturday morning is pre-wedding golf with the boys. Too vague? Fine. By "the boys," I mean just that - my friends from college. While the girls are getting their hair done and eating pastries and fruit, I'll be out on the links with the groom and his wedding party, trying not to get too drunk before the 5 pm wedding. I hope I'll be able to golf without too much pain and swelling but even if I can't it'll still be fun, just not the same.

Oh and with that, I know what you're thinking and no, I am not one of "those girls". In college, I was an athletic trainer for the football team and as a result, many of them became my closest friends. When you are closely interacting with so many people all day, everyday, it's hard not to find ones you click with. The guy getting married this weekend and I were especially close and I am so happy to be a part of his wedding day.

Shoot, I am really pissed about my bum leg. Oh well, July is quickly approaching (yea!!!) and this too shall pass.

I don't want to talk about it.

My week of vacation seemed like hardly that. Although it was wonderful to see my family, especially my parents, the vacation was hardly relaxing. My parents hosted the first four days, which meant a lot of preparation and clean-up. Wanting my Mom to enjoy the time with her family, I ended up taking on most of the shit tasks. As for the remainder of the trip, I was a bit uncomfortable, what with all the internal bleeding and all. (read on)

The time I was looking forward to the most was golfing with my Dad. But, like recent events of June, it got all fucked up. I've taken some heat for being too vague, so I'll take this opportunity drag out the boring details and I am sure the requests will stop. Here goes. My parents own a Segway, and I had been riding it Monday night; in a hurry, I hadn't plugged it back in to charge. With some extra time Tuesday morning, I decided to plug it in for the family to use later that day. (With my heart in the right place, it's total bullshit that this story has an ugly ending.) Well, at this point, it was corralled between vehicles, trash cans, and kayaks. While trying to maneuver it into place, it stopped on me and I stumbled over it, hitting my (good) knee on the "control shaft". Holy crap - it hurt and not in the hit your head on the cupboards hurt - I mean it really fucking hurt. Well, my Dad told me to suck it up and was pissed off that I had hurt myself to begin with. Ok... back to the story. Shit, I am so crappy at this - is anyone still with me? Ok, so we make the 40-mile trek out to the course and by the time I roll out of the vehicle, I've developed a second knee cap. By hole two, I am in some serious pain. At this point, the golf is probably out, but at least I can ride along. Then, a summer storm starts rolling in and we head for the storm cabin. After an hour or so of sitting there, I can hardly move without a painful burning sensation in my leg. Golf's out and at this point, riding along is out. My Mom has to be called and start the drive out to pick my sorry ass up. Upon her arrival, I limped out - she was a bit in awe and thought for sure I had broken something but still had to cover her mouth because she was laughing, laughing in the sincerest way, I'm sure.

I'm not much of a bruiser, in the literal sense. I could easily be a battered wife and have no physical signs of abuse. Well, holy shit if the thing didn't swell a small watermelon and bruise to the horror of everyone. (pictures to follow at a later date - when my cousin sends them) According to the physician's assistant at the orthopedic clinic, I burst all the blood vessels in my leg and possibly ruined some of the medial meniscus (cartilage). Well, the bruise and subsequent swelling has continued to move it's way down my leg into my ankle and up the other side. (again, pictures to follow). Keep in mind, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried and if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't make myself out to be such an idiot. I still have a gross bump the size of a baseball under my skin and the nurse at work thinks I better go into the emergi-clinic tomorrow.

Seriously, WTF!?!? Just as I was "finding my rock," I get this major setback. I am so sick of this crap and it's been happening all damn month. Fuck you, June - I'm over it.

Cashtration

Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

I closed on a house today, what the hell am I thinking?!? It's just so.... well.... adult and also.... I dunno.... permanent. Up to this point, I've lived pretty mobile, being able to come and go in an instant but now, *sigh* I have a mortgage (and I payment I can barely afford). The whole process has been a nightmare, putting me on edge, or rather, three steps from it. But, the difficult part is over, or is the difficult part still ahead? Shit.

In other news, I stayed in the city last night with my friend. (There were no SS involved this time.) I only planned on hanging out with him for a short while and then, well, you know how it is. When I realized I was probably in for the long haul, I borrowed a pair of his shorts and made him hit the streets with me for a nice jog. I was impressed with my discipline and as a result, felt ok with rewarding myself a few beers at the bar. A minor victory deserved a minor reward... well, not necessarily, but it was logical at the time.

I'm Ready! (again)

I read some triathlon training articles last night. I started reading them as a procrastination maneuver, but it ended up being a valuable use of my time. I was very gung-ho in the beginning but over the last couple weeks, my workouts have really lost their luster. Going to the gym is no longer guided by motivation, goals, and determination, but as a result of being slave to routine – kinda like how you guys feel when you go to work. I didn’t workout the other night for no good reason; quite simply, I just didn’t feel like it. How much am I going to ‘feel like it’ when I am on vacation with my Mom’s family – the chances of me being bitten by a Loch Ness Monster was greater. However, after reading some new training stuff, I am recharged and excited to make some technique changes. With all the walls crumbling in on me lately, the new workouts will offer some diversion from real life during my gym time – thank God.

I got noth'n

Ok, so I realize I haven't blogged anything of any interest in days (ok, weeks) and I apologize, I've had a lot on my mind. I know that may sound a little crazy, right? I should want to rant and rave, but it's simply not my style. Well it is, just not in this medium. (I'm more of a talker.) My mind is so wrapped up in the major hassles going on, I just haven't had anything really fun or positive to share with the group.

I am in a weird place right now. Everything seems to be spinning around at a million miles an hour, prohibiting me from finding any clarity. I'll try to get a real entry out by the end of the week, but don't place any bets with an Irish Bookie on it. Next week, I'll be out; I'm going back to the great state of South Dakota for a week. Golf, fishing, and family will most assuredly clear some of the fog.

And for the record: No, I did not work out tonight and I don't want any shit about it, either.

Got blogs?

I am not blogging today because, holy crap, atoep has blogged enough for all of us...... for a week.

Speechless

As I sit here eating a 6" turkey on wheat (the first real meal I've had in days), I'm not quite sure what to write. Which is weird.... my weekend was a good one and for the first time in my life, I can honestly say there were Secret Servicemen involved. And yet, I got noth'n.

Maybe tomorrow.

Do I smell biscuits?

I'm hungry. No, not in the figurative sense, I am literally hungry. This new "nutrition plan" (diet) I am on totally sucks. After my filling 1/4 cup of cereal in the morning, I get to indulge on approximately 1.65 ounces of food for lunch. Are you kidding me?!? That's like 6 kernels of corn. "What, still hungry?!" they ask, "Have 11 grapes or 1/3 glass of cranberry juice." Another sick joke. At night, I get the pleasure of a "full" meal that (if you haven't clicked the links yet) tastes like pencil shavings and equates to the same amount as say, a chicken drumstick and 2 french fries. And whoever decided "Zesty Herb Snack Mix" was a dessert can just kiss my fat ass.

I'm the 80% letting the 20% do my work.

At the gym tonight, I noticed one thing about myself. It's not the skinny chicks that motivate me, it's the really fat ones. I look at the petite little girls and realize I will never look that way, thanks to age, genetics, and Miller Lite. I could, however, look like that thing on the end who, I am sure at one time, used to resemble the appearance of a women. It pushes me to keep going. The more I thought about it, the more sickened I became with myself, realizing this synopsis carries over to other aspects of my life. I am not motivated by what I can achieve, but rather by what I do not want to become. How much does that suck?? I'm not like that in everything, but a few. So yeah, I guess I need to work on that.... maybe next week.

DMB

Last night's Dave Matthews Band concert was bittersweet for me. As expected, the concert was phenomenal. I just wish I had gotten to enjoy it with people I actually care about.
:-(

Mind Your P's

Today’s post is sponsored by the letter P.

Guys have a fascination with things that I will never understand, granted. For the most part, I've given up trying to understand what guys say and think and take them at face value. However, A few nights ago, past blogs and recent conversations I've had with men began racing through my head with fervor. I began to think more about their objects of obsession, the "Fascinating Five" in particular, and I realized one common denominator – the letter P.
(In no particular order)

• Penis (includes masturbation)
• PlayStation
• Poop
• Porn (includes girl-on-girl action)
• Pussy (also includes girl-on-girl action)

Forget the items themselves, I'll never understand those; but what is it about the mysterious letter P that makes it so irresistible to the alpha gender? Weird.

FOTD, duece

I have a new blog reader!! and this is dedicated to him.

Freak of the Day, II:
Today's Freak: atoep

• Thinks Britney and Kevin's lives really are 'Chaotic'
• Married a chick from Iowa
• Thought having kids was, "a good idea at the time."
• Smells like unwiped poo
• Is friends with people who refer tho themselves in the third person (TBC)
• Actually thinks 'Big Brother' is monitoring his blogs, as if they give a shit
• Has his sexuality questioned constantly..... by his wife
• Knows the name of Anne Heche's current husband
• Can properly use the word "auspicious" in a sentence
• Wont care if others find this funny

Testing the Waters

Ok, so I made a huge move with regards to my blogging issues. I started this thing with the intentions of keeping it between TBC and strangers. Today, however, I told my very good friend. It's like going off the high dive for the first time - it wont kill you, but you're still scared; once you step from the edge, there's no turning back.

At least with the high dive, when you pissed your pants, no one knew. I need a new chair.

Pinocchio

I am firm believer that God is supposed to be in control and when I forget about that, ususally when things are going great in my life, (s)he has a good way of knocking me on my ass.

Case in point:

• Good times with friends from home
• Great and frequent trips back home
• Found a house to buy
• Able to get on my Dad's YMCA membership
• Cory
• Getting job assignments
• Had a good round of golf
• Matt coming to town

"See, Nicole, there you again not giving credit where credit is due." WHAPP!!

• Friend cancelled her DMB trip
• Hit a mailbox
• Hit another car
• Lost a part to my vehicle
• Need to replace a $300 part (not the part I lost)
• Job projects fell through
• Cory
• Y membership only good for 12 visits
• Future house has a radon problem
• Matt didn't call

But, I've refocused and already, I feel better.

• I got a new chair at work
• I bought the bed I wanted for the spare bedroom
• Cory
• My very good friend finally called after being "on sabbatical" (and oh, how I missed him)
• And as my homefunk reminded me, "Dude, Dave's tomorrow." Thanks, Charlie.