Worth the Time

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

je ne suis pas responsible

At my job, we have two basic rules to follow when a fire alarm is sounded:
1) Get out.
2) Meet at the flag pole.
It’s the same damn instructions you’ve been following since grammar school. Generally, this complex applied science is easy but not today, not on my watch. Apparently, one person decided these instructions don’t always apply… and that one person just happened to be the floor supervisor.

Have you seen that commercial where the monkeys are partying and the buzz-kill guy turns the chart around? Yeah, I’m that guy and I am the one working with monkeys. Not to mention the eerie accuracy of the commercial to my facility’s productivity, which is, in fact, on the decline despite what the supervisors want to believe.

Anyway, back to the fire alarm – so, only a handful of operators and the front office people are standing in the cold ass wind while the supervisor has casually mentioned to the other operators to just mosey over to the adjacent building and wait for further instructions. Unfortunately, the fact that unreasonable safety violation was made by the supervisor was brought to my attention AFTER I marched over to the other building and yelled at the remaining operators for not following procedures. Is the 1961 Eichmann trial coming to mind for anyone else? Probably not since most of you have below average IQ’s… which is probably why you also continue to read this below average blog. What I am trying to say, other than “you’re a solid six on the smarts scale,” is that if following orders is going to get you tried on crimes against humanity and ultimately hanged - don’t do it.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Is that vomit on your collar?! Ewwe.

It’s Friday and we all know what that means?!? Sex? Clubs? Drugs? Well… no, this weekend, it means painting and preparing for KJ’s baby. I hate babies – anyone who shits themselves cannot be trusted – this includes my Grandmother Margaret in her later years – a very shady character, indeed. And you know what – find out the gender. There’s plenty of surprises in store for you, like when you find their first tin of cocaine, so just save us all the annoyance and find out if you should accent in metallica blue or so hot for pink.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The drunk

A number of things have happened over the last several weeks. I am hesitant to list them all here under the idea of cutting my losses and moving forward. But, they’re your losses, really – because I lived the moments. From time to time, I may reflect on the black hole existence of our relationship, but that bridge will be crossed when we come to it.

This weekend, our favorite gal, KJ, came for a visit. She’s nearly seven and a half months pregnant, but it didn’t stop us from having a good time because let’s face it, most of the time - and I’m not ashamed to admit this - I am the drunk one.

I’m the one buying shots and beers for everyone, running up my credit card bill to an exorbitant amount, because love and friendship can be bought.

I’m the one harassing guys way out of my league, showing them my breasts and saying things like, “My Dad was a former NFL player,” and “I’m a yoga instructor.” It’s rare when I am out with friends and sober but Friday and Saturday nights were such occurrences.

Unfortunately, Kelsey left before Sunday's Bears playoff game. All sober bets were off.

In hindsight, I should’ve taken a vacation day on Monday because even though I don’t really care about the Bears, I like to drink and a local team’s playoff game is as good of a reason as any. In fact, it’s better than most reasons I come up with like, picking up my clothes off the bathroom floor.

A friend and I headed down to a large sports bar around a solid 1.5 hours prior to kickoff. The place was packed. Like, I think I was either just raped or I’ve been standing on a small child packed. Lucky for us, I’m a bitch and rules are rules – so we were able to overtake some “saved” seats. (Before I proceed, I should mention that I have taken on the task of expanding our circle and by that, I mean meeting new people – the kind that don’t require a follow-up trip to the health clinic. And this was one such opportunity.)

I, of course, initiated the conversation with the males because what I lack in looks, I make up for in social skills. (Isn’t that what all fat chicks say?) We were having a great time. I was making a number of new friends with my charm, wit, and pleasantried when it happened. Sometime after the victory, I turned a corner in my drunkness and when I did, I smashed into a pile of “lonely drunk with a big ego acting inappropriately”. Nice play, asshole, – nice play.

All in all, though – a good weekend. I had a great time with KJ, kept my spending habits under control, added some new people to the roster of cool, and, had I not acted like a total asshole at the end of the evening, probably could’ve gotten a couple dates.

Now, if you’ll excuse me – it's lunchtime.

Hurricane Ditka


Ok, I’ll say it – Go Bears! It’s very difficult for me to be excited about Chicago’s bid for the national championship because 1) I am a Vikings fan, through and through, and 2) it’s all I am going to hear about for the next 6 weeks – maybe more if they actually pull this off. Truth be told, I really want the Colts to win because, among other things, I think Peyton is eight thousand times the guy Rex Grossman is. I have had random run-ins with them both – sometime, I’ll tell you about it.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

It's 2007!!

Is anyone still coming to this place?

(If not - maybe it's time to hang things up.)

It's 2007!!

Is anyone still coming to this place?

(If not - maybe it's time to hang things up.)