Winner! Winner! Burrito Dinner!!

In typical Monday fashion, I’ll give you the weekend recap. But first, do you remember that one time I thought it would be really cool to bartend even thought I wouldn’t make great money?! Yeah, that was a really dumb time in my life. Since I closed the bar on Saturday night and opened it on Sunday, I was completely exhausted when I finally got home and fell soundly asleep at 6:30 PM. As if that isn’t enough to make me feel geriatric, after collapsing into bed Saturday night, it took my body a good 25 minutes to recover from the 10-hour shift. I could actually feel the blood coursing through my weary legs and feet. The good news is that although my back is a little tight, I’m nearly fully recovered… which is good because I work again tomorrow… and Thursday… and again on Saturday.

In other, unrelated, Monday news... I won 5 free Chipotle burritos today!! The only thing better than free food is sharing it with others, so instead of hoarding them all to myself, I am taking the cool kids to Lunch!!

Why not Wednesdays

You know you’re too drunk when even TBC won’t talk to you. He is, however, pimping me out to his co-worker, so I may forgive his transgressions.

In college, we called them “why not Wednesdays” because people would say, “You’re going drinking on a Wednesday?” To which we would reply, “Why not?!” Thus borne “why not Wednesdays”. (And by “we”, I mean “me” because let’s face it, I had no friends.) But that was in college and although I’m much older, I’m clearly none the wiser. I did not set an alarm this morning, but woke up at my usual “sleeping-in” time of 6:05. I felt like a champ until I stumbled my way into the bathroom and realized I was still a little drunk. But why should I let being drunk stop me from working now so I showered and made it in like a trooper. So the worst part of it is, I’ve been more productive today than I have all week. It disgusts me and makes me proud all at the same time.

R.I.P
KJ
Fun friend who had no problem leaving her husband for the weekend, getting liquored up, going to sex shops, letting random men in tuxedos cop a feel, shopping for stilettos, sending half-naked golf pictures to strangers, and laughing the whole time.

She will be missed.


M.I.L.F.
KJ
Friend who will have no problem changing diapers, pumping milk, cleaning puke, phoning home a million times, carrying a mom-bag, shopping for easy-to-clean fabrics, and laughing the whole time.

She will be pretty cool, too.

My Lovies

Awesome... I'm a solid 8.4 days behind in work (yes, I calculated it out, fuckers... that's what loser engineers do, ok!) and blowing the better part of tomorrow off to go hit it up Pocahontas-style with my girl, KJ. I really do deserve a fucking medal. I figure I should probably round off a stellar week by not doing a damn thing in the morning, either... meaning, I'll probably post. See ya soon, lovers!

"L" words.

Today’s brief post is brought to you by the letter ‘L’. No, I am not going to compose yet another post about my homosexual escapades as a wannabe Lesbian. Rather, this Letter comes to you on behalf of the words Lakes, Liquor, and Laid (I tried to think of a slang word for drugs beginning with the letter L, but I was at a Loss… probably because of the drugs). I don’t think there is too much more to say about Saturday than that. Although, in a strange twist, the Laid part came (no pun) on behalf of the wedding guy from a couple weeks ago. What?!? I told you people I was that good.

Sunday was spent recovering (hangover and sunburn), washing the sheets, being without a car, and finishing up my reality video… there was no way I was going to go outside and bake in the 105 degree temps. My hometown reached a 117 degrees on Saturday!!!

Tonight is my first night bartending. It’s not a busy bar, so I won’t be rolling in mad tip money, but it will keep me busy in the Fall and Winter months and be a good place to meet some more peeps, and by that I mean, “guys who will sleep with me for a couple free shots and cheap draft beer.” I will train for a few weeks and then start picking up every other weekend – not bad.

Reality whore.

So, I made it through to the final round of the reality show casting process. I know, I’m pretty fabulous. As I mentioned previously, I still can’t help but feel a little lame. Even my Dad thinks I’m a loser, “I don’t know whether to be happy or sad for you.” Gee, Dad, thanks. Well, as part of the final process, I have to make a 5-10 minute video of myself and complete it by a week from today. It should include a variety of spontaneous activities highlighting my life and interests… hmmm. Any (legal) Ideas!?!?!?!

Boating and Being Awesome

This weekend, we were out on the lake… 9 of them, actually. It’s a chain of lakes (and one river) linked together by a series of channels – it’s pretty dope. We found the sandbar party and tied up to some guys we’d met at Blarney’s (a bar). I picked out a cute guy sporting some sweet Von Zippers and flirted it up with him. It led to nothing more than some innocent kissing, but it was fun and there’s always next weekend. Blarney’s is hosting a big party, so I am pretty sure we’re in, weather permitting.

In other news, I went to an open casting call in Chicago for a reality show. I won’t get into details, but I did get a call back for an on-camera interview. Although happy, I got to thinking and I’m a little disturbed. I watch reality shows so I see the kind of people who get cast on these things, so how totally fucked up must I be that I am a candidate?!? Hmm… maybe I better up my dose of Zoloft.

Krugers, Drinking, Breathalyzers, and Sex

and to think, I bitched (a lot) about going to this wedding!

Rolled in Friday night around 1:00am and knew exactly where to find everyone else – at the bar, of course. I was a little worried when there were only three other friends I knew from college, the best man and two ushers, but sucked it up and washed a couple little blues down with some whisky and caught up with the mostly unknown group. The next day, the three college friends and I opted out of getting wasted (since the pastor threatened us with our lives if we drank) and instead, spent time taking in some local attractions. Even aside from my three Xanax self-medication, I was astonished by how carefree the day with them was. **(And with that, I would like to add that I’m both pissed and intensely jealous. It’s total bullshit that a groom's wedding party is allowed a relaxing day and those in any way associated with the bridal party endure a grueling and overburdened day. Assholes.)

The wedding was quick and I memorable. Immediately following the ceremony, everyone hit the nearest bar for a couple shots before heading to reception, which, by the way, was at the fucking hockey arena (Hockeytown, USA, just like I told you). The ushers and I, however, saw no need to hurry and enjoyed $1.50 Krugers. (A Kruger, named after the best man, who introduced us to the drink, contains gin, ginger ale, and slice of both lemon and lime… and is fucking awesome.)

Breathalyzer's long story, short: Before the dance, the guys wanted to steal the bride and I was designated to drive. A cock-sucking ass of a cop saw me pulling out of the arena's parking lot with seven groomsmen in toe – four in back, two in front, one in the trunk. Needless to say, I got pulled over while turning into the bar's parking lot. By the grace of the Holy One (and two turkey sandwiches), I passed my breathalyzer and by the stupidity of my own, told the officer what a royal jerk I thought he was to the line of, "I mean, what kind of fuckass pulls over a wedding party?!?" In an abnomal twist of good fortune, I was not ticket for my insolence.

TBC’s right in his comment, I should get cock for laying down that kind of money and as we all know, there's no easier place to get it than at a wedding. What good is it even going if you can't go down on a guy in a tux... or a nice shirt... or the homeless dude not wearing any pants?!?

Good friends, cheap liqour, par excellence piece of ass, sans any legal altercations equates to a weekend well worth the money.


PS: I can't get pictures to show up on my blog anymore, am I doing something wrong?!