Cigarettes

You're all still here!! (Yes, "all" is a relative term.)

I’m not a smoker. I’ve never been a smoker. Oh sure, I did the college smoking thing for a little while and I even remember the last cigarette I had during that phase. (It was after a fraternity party and I was in the basement, sitting on top of the bar with a guy, watching one of the brothers urinate on the floor through his diaper to only then remove the diaper completely… yes, a diaper… it’s safe to assume it was the Halloween Party. Anyway, I was a couple drags into it and then said to myself, “Why am I smoking?!” I flicked the cigarette into a pool of beer and piss and that was the end of that. But every now and then, I need one… like the need to eat cake, drive fast, or suck dick. Today, the rapacity to smoke (cigarette, not ‘pole’) resulted from a combination of stress, anxiety, and anger. I bummed a smoke, went out to the patio and took it all in and let me tell you something - it was fucking awesome… cheesecake eating, marathon running, Jeter fucking, blog reading, island hopping, shooting under par kind of awesome… and I don’t even smoke. (And for the record, I don't plan to start, either.)

I'm ok with it.

No one is reading this anymore, are they? Well, worse things have happened, I suppose. In the off chance that KJ is still around, I’ll continue to post. After all, I know how things at ‘the Rock’ can be; sometimes you just need a break (or in my case when I worked there - many, many, many breaks.)

When I saw “I *heart* Huckabees” in the movie theater a year or so ago, I remember two things, ok, three things. One - I totally made out with Derek afterwards, two - the movie sucked ass, and three - Mark Wahlberg was fantastic. Last night though, remembering Marky Mark’s fun and fab performance, I decided to watch it again and you know something, it wasn’t half bad, (much better than I remember, anyway). When released, I couldn’t wait to see it and there was nervous pressure since it was only the second time seeing Derek (like a guy looking for ass gives two shits about the movie), but maybe I expected too much from the movie… and Derek, too, I suppose. I mean, just because you're good looking, funny, wealthy, and super smart, doesn't mean you have it all... wait, it kinda does, doesn't it?! -fuck, what was I thiking breaking up with that guy?!? Anyway, seeing a movie I enjoy and previously did not was a nice change for me. I’m usually not like that. Especially not since rehab… remember that movie you always used to enjoy when you were strung out on heroine, shooting tequila poppers, vomiting in your roommate’s pillow, and eating chili straight from the can and how when you watched the movie sober, it wasn’t quite as funny? This wasn’t like that at all.

Hmmm…. I guess this post has made it painfully obvious why no one reads this blog.

Buenos Tardes Amigo

Not just a clever title for this post but also the title of the Ween song I'm listening to at this moment - funny tune with an out-of-place synth meg riff in the middle. Choice cut.

So, I kinda sorta didn't make it home this weekend which not only means I'm a complete whore, but also that I was going to have a bitch of a commute Monday morning. Ugh. The upside to that is morning talk radio. I used to absolutely love driving to work in California because of the amazing morning programs... out here, not so great. In fact, this morning, I had to shut it off. ManCow was on an extraordinarily lame rant this morning and my usual entertainment chose the topic, "103.5 reasons to not get married." Yeah, like I need that. Let's face it, I have a pretty sour attitude towards marriage (not to mention mortgages, kids, dirty white people, and of course, pleated pants) and needn't listen to Midwestern losers call in to bitch about petty things that ended their loveless marriage/relationship. The final straw being, "I divorced my ex-wife because she didn't want to have sex with me three times a day anymore." The CD that was on cue was Ben Folds appropriately titled album, "Saving Silverman" and in this case, I was Silverman being saved from these lame-ass douchebags.

So the weekend... Friday night, some damn birthday party at the bar. I didn't know who it was for, but the drinks were free and a work friend's boyfriend picked up our dinner tab, so no complaints... except for the dumb waitress who screwed up my Guiness order. Seriously, we're in CHICAGO, how can you not know what a Black Velvet is? I'm pretty sure I met her boyfriend at the Twins game the next night, too... yeah buddy, heckle the Twins' outfielder when we're down six runs in eighth - good one, asshole, I'm sure you're really sticking it to him. Awesome. After a less than stellar showing, I hardly felt like hitting up the bars in my Twins tee, so we played cards and drank ourselves stupid and my buddy's place and I'm pretty sure I won an Estonian midget in the final hand, but I can't be sure. He could quite possibly be in the folds of my fat and will undoubtedly surface when the crumbs run out... which, is not anytime soon. All in all - good weekend. Oh yeah, bonus track - from the "it's a small world" department, I ran into an aquaintence from my hometown near the concession stand (shocking, the fat chick by the concession stand, right). It was nice to see him, a familiar face, that is.

Well, I am going to sleep off this high... weed, Crown-7, and chicken fingers; what a fucking great night.

Vibes

Women definitely send out vibes and it’s super interesting to go out with a group of women and read the vibes each one of them is sending out. In Scottsdale, for instance, there were five women and three distinct vibes. Me – the I’m not available vibe and of course, I still got hit on by every guy at the bar because I'm gorgeous, the younger girls – “We’re available and looking for a one nighter” who had we spent some more time there surely would've had their first one-night-stand since moving to Phoenix (the day before), and the other two – “we’re single, but not looking to hook up tonight,” (but will probably be looking every other night, so be prepared). Anyway, women are awesome... and I'm not just talking about in bed, but it's worth a try if you haven't done so lately... (TBC). Next time you're out - take note of the vibes - the looks, the body language, the whispers, it’s great.

This weekend, I’m delving into the city to do some partying and hitting up the Twins-Sox game on Saturday. I am going to the game with a neutral friend, a good White Sox fan and one hard-core White Sox fan. I will be sure to site the furthest away from him because as much as I love the Twins and support my team, the Twins’ odd of winning isn’t great. Win or lose, it’s just nice to take in a game here and there. I still haven’t been to a famed Cubs game, but hopefully one is in my not-so-distant future.

Have a great weekend… right now, I’m going golfing. (What?! - I put a solid two hours of work in on the day.) Why spend unproductive hours in my cubicle when I could be spending them productively improving my golf game.

Friday’s Five reasons this will be the last Friday’s Five:
9) It takes tits to start a trend
20) I still love the movie Bottle Rocket
46) Breaking up really is hard to do
85) No one is really that interested
97) One hundo, suckas, one hundo.

Not a French title

Last night, my friend called and asked if I would join her for a 5:30 AM workout. Ugh, I thought – I don’t have to roll into work until 9:30, but ok… yeah, she overslept. So, not only was I tired, but bored out of my mind (at the gym and at work, for that matter). Plus, I never work out as hard in the morning as I do in the afternoon and no, I don’t feel better when I get it out of the way early (and people who say that are full of crap).

Last weekend, I was in Phoenix seeing friends and it was a ton of fun. I’ve only been to Phoenix a couple times, once for a wedding I was in and another time in passing. We went out in Scottsdale, the crowded casual bars, not the whorish meat market clubs. I had a really good time and the people were a fun crowd. There’s no wild story as I stayed sober driver for the evening. How alcoholic are your friends when you’re the guest and have to be sober driver, but in truth, I didn’t mind one bit. My grad school roommate came out with us, so I was pretty engrossed with him and not sending out the “I’m single and looking” vibe. Women vibes… now that what I should’ve blogged about… instead of this boring crap, anyway. Where was aI going, anyway?….. Oh yeah, “local crowds”. Yeah, I’m bored with that. In fact, I’m bored with this whole damn day. See you tomorrow. Love, Nicole

Est ce boeuf?

On my route to work, I pass Cavel Meats, specializing in “International Meat Export.” In layman’s terms, it’s a slaughter facility… for HORSES, mustangs primarily. Now, normally, it doesn’t bother me because I just don’t think about it. However, every once in a while, there will be a horse trailer waiting for the gates to open to drop ‘the goods’ and you can actually see the horses in the trailer. It’s so sad. Between that and kitty leukemia, I’m not sure how I sleep at night... it's a good thing all the sex I have tires me out.

Deja Vu

Wow, where do I begin… it’s been so long and there is so much news to tell… and yet, I don’t want to shoot my load all in one day.

Being in Minneapolis was great, I really miss living there… I miss my working for Corporate and the people, I miss the city, and I miss my friends. Ugh. Mpls always feels so familiar....

Déjà vu. (No, not the strip club… although, my friend used to own the one downtown… the man dated A LOT of strippers in that time, but who wouldn’t, right?!) A literal definition of déjà vu is when one eye sees something before the other or scientifically, when the temporal lobe has a minor seizure. There are also the beliefs that déjà vu exists because you carry memories of your past lives or that since your life is predetermined, a feeling of déjà vu signifies you are on the right path in your life (the latter being the one I like). I remember having only one or two moments of déjà vu in my life (both my senior year of college) prior to moving to California, upon which I would experience them frequently. Since moving to Illinois, I haven’t had them until my recent trip to Mpls, where I experienced two very strong déjà vu moments. It was super weird, like stop me in my tracks weird, because they were so intense. (I admit I should probably lay off the drugs for a while). Although I am no astrological-artsy-fartsy-faith-healer type of chick (I’m a fucking engineer, for Christ’s sake), I just can’t help but think that maybe I shouldn’t be in Chicago, or in my current job position, or simply that something is awry... and that I need to lay of the drugs.

I know this post was not very entertaining for the first one out of the blocks, but it’s been on my mind, so suck a rock.

Guess who is back!!!!!! I've missed you - I will need some time to catch up on the world around me, but I am back in the saddle and ready to blag again!

Nicole's Schedule

@9:00 AM Monday: Leave after conference, make it home at night, late start work on Wednesday afternoon
@9:00AM Tuesday: Leave after Twins home opener (awesome seats btw), sleep somewhere in Wisconsin, maybe go into work on Wednesday.
@ 9:00PM Tuesday: Leave after going out downtown after Twins home opener, sleep-in somewhere in Wisconsin, check work e-mail from home.
@ 1:00AM Wednesday: Stay in Mpls tonight, leave in the morning, skip work on Wednesday.
@ 11:00 AM Wednesday: Check work e-mail in Mpls, leave by 1:30PM, work on Thursday.
@ 2:30 PM Wednesday: Skip going home, stay in Mpls, drive home on Thursday, skip work rest of week..

Plans are meant to be broken... and "the man" will live another couple days without me.

I'll be on the road and gone for the weekend (golfing and drinking in Phoenix).
Have a Happy Easter, everyone!!

Wasted... and not in the good way.

The training group this week was a fun one, relatively speaking, of course. For the most part, the group was young, again relatively speaking, and the two 'stuffs' were so lame, they provided us some fabulous entertainment. With a youthful group, however, there are consequences... we're all pooped. Most of them are heading home but this is most unfortunate for me because it's Friday and I'm with friends and hangin in my old stomping grounds and sadly, I’m exhausted. I guess I forgot how taxing it is on my system to go out every night. That’s not to say that I am not going to do get all freaky and shit this weekend, I just like to bitch. I’m sorry I didn’t write this week and there was much to say about last weekend, the car fire, my most recent automobile accident involvement, or the low hiring standards in Canada (although, alex is a testament to that).

Have a great weekend, all. I will try earnestly to get something out this weekend and next week.

Whose laughing now?

I made it to St Paul late Sunday night. Seeing as how we were out until 6am the night before (another post entirely), getting here before midnight was a feat in itself. Not yet an hour into the trip, traffic was gridlock. It took me well over an hour to go 12 miles. All of the weekenders (mostly lame Wisconsinites) bottleneck into the final tollbooth (stupid civil engineers) and those of us Illinois residents with the I-Pass are forced to suffer. Beyond that, the weather sucked – rain, drizzle, hail… you name it. But there was a fun part to this trip, my battle with MN License plate ME 987, aka Cpt. Douchebag. I was rolling cruise control and this guy would repeatedly pass me and then slow down and pass me again. I’d had enough so about 70 or so miles out, I thought of the perfect solution… just stay behind him. I figured, “Ok, asshole - you wanna play games, I’ll play games.” He dropped it down to 55 and sped up to 85, but I was unwavering. I didn’t tailgate him, I kept my 2 sec distance, but he was still so annoyed- it was a beautiful thing. I even got the finger when he exited onto I-694 in St Paul. I laughed at him - Nobody likes to be fucked with, asshole.