Cigarettes

You're all still here!! (Yes, "all" is a relative term.)

I’m not a smoker. I’ve never been a smoker. Oh sure, I did the college smoking thing for a little while and I even remember the last cigarette I had during that phase. (It was after a fraternity party and I was in the basement, sitting on top of the bar with a guy, watching one of the brothers urinate on the floor through his diaper to only then remove the diaper completely… yes, a diaper… it’s safe to assume it was the Halloween Party. Anyway, I was a couple drags into it and then said to myself, “Why am I smoking?!” I flicked the cigarette into a pool of beer and piss and that was the end of that. But every now and then, I need one… like the need to eat cake, drive fast, or suck dick. Today, the rapacity to smoke (cigarette, not ‘pole’) resulted from a combination of stress, anxiety, and anger. I bummed a smoke, went out to the patio and took it all in and let me tell you something - it was fucking awesome… cheesecake eating, marathon running, Jeter fucking, blog reading, island hopping, shooting under par kind of awesome… and I don’t even smoke. (And for the record, I don't plan to start, either.)