Wedding Season '05

My last wedding of the season is this weekend, second to last of 2005. For those of you unsure, the wedding season is from May 15 through Sept 15. This leaves me just two more opportunities in 2005 to take advantage of a drunk groomsman, or the usher, or the usher's cousin, or the usher's cousin's Dad. Now that I think of it, I may only have one opportunity left, as the October wedding is a "commitment ceremony" and I am not sure what the straight:gay ratio will be. It's not that I wouldn't go down on a chick, I just don't want to be "surprised" when I get down there, if you know what I mean. I know I have talked endlessly about weddings, but consider this the last one... at least until October. On a crazy note, there are no weddings scheduled for 2006, not yet, anyway... but condoms fail. (Did anyone get that?)

Aside from making me feel desperately alone, this season's weddings also:

• made me a good liar.
• took me to exotic (read: rural) locales throughout the upper Midwest.
• gave me reasons to put off my diet for another week.
• gave me reasons to go off my diet.
• provided opportunities to further shame my parents.
• granted me enough miles for three free frequent flier tickets.
• depleted my bank account.
• progressed my cirrhosis.
• released a story of the time I woke up naked next to a nameless person I only vaguely remember doing shots with, only to have this nameless person hand me the phone because it was my parents calling; they noticed some sexy panties stuck in the door and assumed they were mine and that I needed to return to the room to pack my stuff.
• were a fucking blast.

Here's to weddings, the people who have them, and me - glad that I'm single and can enjoy them!!