Demigods

I’ve recently gotten into celebrity gossip. Maybe it was from living in Southern California… or maybe it’s because after being so obsessed with reading what they were writing about me during my “15 minutes”, they sorta grew on me. I’ve always liked hearing gossip, celebrity or otherwise. I’d like to think I don’t spread gossip, but I’d also like to think I am a Victoria’s Secret model and I can assure you, I am not. Growing up, I didn’t talk about others behind their backs and then I went to college and joined a sorority and started dating multiple football players and it just came with the territory. After a couple years (mostly while in rehab), I grew out of that phase and just like my virginity, talking about others became a distant memory… but I still took interest in hearing it. I think college is like that, though, you create your own reality and your own fiction - there is always drama to surround yourself with, you don’t need it from the outside world to the likes of Nick and Jessica or Paris Hilton. And then you graduate… and get a job… and a routine… and find yourself watching more television than you ever thought humanly possible… creating a quasi-reality… leading you to take interest in the “familiar faces” who come you’re your home every week taking front stories of People, E!, and Us Weekly.

For some, there is a moment when they realize, “I’m hooked.” For me, it was at Bob’s Lounge last spring. I was in a booth with one of my very “celeb” friends and a couple guys we know. We were talking about the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes story when our friend (Matt) looked at us and with that 'are you fucking kidding me' look, he said, “Do not tell me you guys are actually talking celebrity gossip.” That was it – that was the moment that I realized I am officially in my mid-twenties and such a slave to my own tiresome existence that reading about others’ transgressions is enjoyment… not as much as performing fellatio or eating a six pack of tacos, but you get the idea. There are worse vices and you should be happy I’ve given up most of them (stupid restraining orders). And since moving back to middle America and reducing the amount of time spent in front of the telly, I’ve gotten better... although, I think it's the pills.

Friday's Five celebrities I wish would go away:
39) Fergie from Black Eyed Peas (What does the sweet guy from North Dakota see in her??!)
19) Lindsay HOhan (I am so sick of her need to create drama)
18) Diddy (Quit vomitting all over my media, Mr. Puffy-Puff-P-Sean-Diddy-Colmes)
26) Ashley Simpson (although Jessica, with or without Nick, can stay)
93) Kristin Cavalleri of MTV's Laguna Beach (the fact that she actually constitutes a 'celebrity' is enough to make me sick... and to think, she was born in Chicago - good riddance)