Help Wanted

Following the meetings today, there was an open bar 'social hour' followed by dinner. If cock sucking had been on the schedule, it would've been my ideal evening. This is the point where I would make some joke about how I took the whole open bar thing too far, got really wasted, and said or did something to embarrass myself. Unfortunately, there's no joke here and that is exactly what happened. 1 Jack/diet, 1 gin/tonic, 4 Miller Lites (16oz), and 2 shots later... dinner was served. I think it's safe to say I made quite an impression. If anyone knows of job openings for a fat, alcoholic, lazy engineer with no people skills, you can find me in the alley behind Whataburger turning tricks and passing out in a pool of my own vomit (at least I hope it's my own vomit).