Cocks Unlimited (first edition, eliminated photo, whereby post no longer has anything to do with cocks or the unlimited nature, thereof.)
I thought maybe cocks and teeth were a bit too close in nature to be referenced so closely... and it wasn't very fair to make you read a boring post for the best part of the today's post.
My lower teeth were never crooked, just the the two cuspids overlapping my incisors. Braces had never been recommended and when I smile, you don't even see them. But since I am already so hot and sexy (wait, that should read hot and sweaty), I wanted to get them fixed as long as my Dad was offering** (giving into my threats). Since I would be starting graduate school (work deterrence program) and looking for a job (ice cream taster), I did not want the metal mouth. Additionally, the braces would hinder my night job, performing (giving blow jobs) at the local strip clubs (fraternities) to feed my kids (a drug habit). I wanted to go with the Invisalign, but they are significantly more ($2000) than regular braces ($3500) and my parents (selfish bastards) would only pay for the regular. Since I am such a hard worker (bullshitter), I received some scholarship money ($2000, although I told my folks it was only $1500 and used the rest to pay for an Irish folk band to play while I did 3 lines of smack and ate an entire Boston cream pie.... and a hoagie, I just love hoagies) and decided to pay the difference. Why have I told you all (idiots still reading this boring garbage) this? It brings me to last night - the official worst night of sleep ever (except for the time I went home with Derek Jeter and he kept waking me up for more sex).
**Thanksgiving Break, 2002
Dad: What's wrong with your teeth.
Me: What do you mean?
Dad: Your cuspids are crooked?
Me: They've always been like that.
Dad: Why don't you fix them.
I moved and haven't been back to my orthodontist to get my next set of retainers and I haven't worn my most recent set in like, three months. In that time, my teeth have shifted and I have an appointment on Monday to go get the new ones. This meant, I had to put the last set of retainers in to get them back to where they should be. Knowing this would be painful, although not as painful as the bizarre infection I received from the high school janitor (he said he'd been tested), I popped in a couple "pills". Trying to shift 3 months of orthodontic neglect in one night was not one of my more brilliant moves, nor was the time I got drunk at work and took a dump in the filing cabinet. The "pills" made me restless and very delusional in the dosing-off stage, forcing my conscious brain to wake me up. In and out of consciousness for the better part of 2.5 hours and I think I orgasmed twice, but I can't be sure.
My lower teeth were never crooked, just the the two cuspids overlapping my incisors. Braces had never been recommended and when I smile, you don't even see them. But since I am already so hot and sexy (wait, that should read hot and sweaty), I wanted to get them fixed as long as my Dad was offering** (giving into my threats). Since I would be starting graduate school (work deterrence program) and looking for a job (ice cream taster), I did not want the metal mouth. Additionally, the braces would hinder my night job, performing (giving blow jobs) at the local strip clubs (fraternities) to feed my kids (a drug habit). I wanted to go with the Invisalign, but they are significantly more ($2000) than regular braces ($3500) and my parents (selfish bastards) would only pay for the regular. Since I am such a hard worker (bullshitter), I received some scholarship money ($2000, although I told my folks it was only $1500 and used the rest to pay for an Irish folk band to play while I did 3 lines of smack and ate an entire Boston cream pie.... and a hoagie, I just love hoagies) and decided to pay the difference. Why have I told you all (idiots still reading this boring garbage) this? It brings me to last night - the official worst night of sleep ever (except for the time I went home with Derek Jeter and he kept waking me up for more sex).
**Thanksgiving Break, 2002
Dad: What's wrong with your teeth.
Me: What do you mean?
Dad: Your cuspids are crooked?
Me: They've always been like that.
Dad: Why don't you fix them.
I moved and haven't been back to my orthodontist to get my next set of retainers and I haven't worn my most recent set in like, three months. In that time, my teeth have shifted and I have an appointment on Monday to go get the new ones. This meant, I had to put the last set of retainers in to get them back to where they should be. Knowing this would be painful, although not as painful as the bizarre infection I received from the high school janitor (he said he'd been tested), I popped in a couple "pills". Trying to shift 3 months of orthodontic neglect in one night was not one of my more brilliant moves, nor was the time I got drunk at work and took a dump in the filing cabinet. The "pills" made me restless and very delusional in the dosing-off stage, forcing my conscious brain to wake me up. In and out of consciousness for the better part of 2.5 hours and I think I orgasmed twice, but I can't be sure.
posted by Nicole @ 9:33 AM
1 Comments:
At 8/03/2005 1:43 PM,
The Big Cheese said…
"...I think I orgasmed twice, but I can't be sure."
I can not tell you have many times I have heard a woman say that. I always say,"well do you want Two personal pan pizzas?" It the answer is yes then we have proof.
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