Accomodations available at Motel Where the Fuck Are We

I am in yet another wedding this weekend. That may have been a bit overdramatic, as this summer has actually been very wedding friendly for me, relatively speaking. In any given year since my junior year of college, I’ve receive somewhere between three and twelve wedding invitations a year and, on average, for every three I am invited to, I am in at least one. (With the exception of summer 2001, when I had the glory of spending my weekends in county lock-up; sometime, I’ll tell you all about it.) This year’s invitation count is at four thus far, with two on the way later in the year, totaling six. In accordance with the law of averages, I am in two of them.

I have bitched in the past about the financial drain of attending weddings (and the mass amounts of drugs and alcohol it takes to get through the nuptials) but even I will admit, I don’t mind them all that much. They are my friends and it is truly an honor to be recognized as an important part of their new life together. HOWEVER, for the love of Christ, can’t these weddings be in a moderately desirable locale?! At first, the hokey local scene of the rural Midwest was fun but now, it’s really getting on my nerves. In a way, it’s a lot like genital warts, at first it’s a badge of courage, but then it starts to puss and burn when you pee and c’mon, no one likes that. I just don’t understand why my intimate circle of friends can’t allow me the pleasure of a vacation destination and get married on some amazing beach or better yet, Vegas. At the very least they could make travel a little easier on me and work out something in a metropolitan area? But fuck no, not them, the selfish bastards. I mean, sure it’s ThEiR wedding, but it’s all about me. So, what amazing wedding venue has set me off - Warroad, MN. Also known as Hockeytown, USA; you know how I know that? - In a strange coincidence, a college roommate of mine was from Warroad. To reach ass-raping Canada, ooohhh… lucky me, I’m driving to Minneapolis, flying to International Falls, renting a car, and driving another 100 miles. Are you kidding me?!? Seriously.


Oh, and for the record:
Gas to/from Mpls: $200
Flight to I-Falls (as the locals call it) = $400
Car Rental = $100
Hotel = $120
Mpls Airport Parking = $60
Dress and shoes = $300
Total: $1180… not including the gift!!!