Merry Christmas, Jesus

I took my sweet-ass time getting through college, not as long as some people (I’m looking at you, TBC), but an extra year never hurt anybody, right? Then, I went to grad school and finally, I settled into a job. (What a mistake that whole ‘job’ thing turned out to be.) Well, with all of those college years and last year’s weird work schedule, I was very spoiled when it came to Christmas vacations. I’d grown quite used to having a solid one to four weeks of “down time”. Although, ‘down time’ was a lot like college (less the schoolwork) - going to the bars every night, sleeping past noon, living off my parents, doing drugs, and drinking in my room alone while I masturbate to old NFL Films reels. This year, however, Christmas is the allocated three-day weekend… seriously, WTF? IT’S BABY JESUS’S BIRTHDAY, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE – HAVE YOU NO RESPECT?!?! With only having one day off, in conjunction with meeting my parents in Mpls and not at home, it hardly feels like Christmas. But I’m sure once my Dad gets drunk and starts hitting my Mom, it will all feel familiar, just like home.

Friday’s Five Worst Christmas Songs
81) I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus - this could be the most nauseating song, ever
13) The Twelve Days of Christmas - this could be the longest nauseating song, ever
72) The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late) – it’s cute right away because you get a little nostalgic and then, about 7 seconds later, you realize just how irritating that voice truly is
43) In Dulci Jubilo" ("Good Christian Men, Rejoice") – MEN?! MEN?! What about the good Christian WOMEN??! (assholes)
36) All I Want for Christmas Is You – Mariah Carey, need I say more?


Happy Holidays!!
Be safe and enjoy your weekend!!