It's Janie's Last IOU

Ok, so I admit the last post was a little bit on the Desperate Housewives side, but it was how I was feeling in the moment.

Last week, I went out to dinner with a couple friends to celebrate Molly's birthday. When I begin thinking about how pathetic I am, I think of those pathetic enough to want to hang out with me?! But, I never disappoint. This reminds me of another short story... maybe tomorrow. Well, we hit up Outback Steakhouse, which is apparently a birthday tradition of Molly's. Unlike my birthday tradition of eating an entire family of pheasants, shitting out ingested Lego parts, and polishing off a bottle of Jack Daniels. After dinner (Alice Springs Chicken with Vegetables = sex on a plate), the night was young and we threw around some ideas. Unsatisfied with the suggestions, I mentioned Quigley's had karaoke... we couldn't drive fast enough. It's not that I like singing karaoke, but I really love making fun of others... like a whole lot. We ended up singing karaoke after all, only not in the traditional sense. More in the "who the fuck is ruining my song?" sense. We would sing along (loudly) from our corner booth (close to the stage) as we saw fit (always). I'm sure the hardcore karaoke people were super unimpressed, but lets face it - they are getting off on singing karaoke. It should be mentioned that Molly is Mormon and I had decided not to drink in her honor... that decision lasted about 10 minutes. It goes without saying we were a big hit at Quigley's (in very sarcastic undertones). Bar patrons were calling on me to sing to which I politely told them, "no" and that I knew it was them who egged my car in the eighth grade and, "I would have my revenge; oh yes, I would have my revenge." The night progressed and culminated with me, after countless Guinness Snake Bites and Bass pints, performing a dance rendition of Aerosmith's Janie's Got a Gun. If you've never seen a (literal) interpretive dance being performed by yours truly, which is pretty much everyone I knew after rehab, you're really missing out. Proving it's not over when the fat lady sings but rather when she breaks out in wicked awesome dance moves, I closed my bar tab shortly thereafter... and not just because every guy in the bar was hitting on me... I was hungry (duh).