Day of the Green

A month. Wow. Well, so much has happened. So many fascinating tales. So many nights of take-out food. So many men… well just one... and he's engaged… to his pregnant fiancée. (And don’t give me that look... you're no Saint.) This all took place before St Patrick’s Day, so let’s pick up there, shall we?

We had grandiose plans to drink early at a friend's place, watch the river being dyed green, take in a little of the parade (only to say hello to a couple friends working it), and bar hop a bit.

We made it as far as the first bar.

At this point, I knew the river was out and began texting some friends. A few hours later, we had a nice group and my buzz was nothing short of glorious. After we had pushed our welcome as far as possible, we decided it was time to go see our friend in the parade.

We made it as far as the next bar.

While everyone was pouring out, I was offered some smoke and yous knows how I likes the occasional treat. (Drugs, like cupcakes, are hard to turn down.) Sure, we were on the street and yes, I may have felt a little silly bent over a pipe like a crack whore when the Glen Ellen Country Day School strolled by, but it's all in a day's fun.

Now I love drinking heavily and I love drugs, but you really can’t mix both. Before we smoked, I was doing “fine” - pretty drunk, but I had my shit together and was ready to go. After we smoked, I was still drunk, but now I was high. Not surprisingly, here’s where things get fuzzy… and a bit whorish.

I was minding my business, talking to some college kids on an impromptu road trip from Missouri, when without warning, I was deep throat with some stranger. Welcome to Chicago... Happy St. Patrick's day. This was the first of four not-so-intimate moments that afternoon, but I’m pretty sure the fourth guy only kissed me to feel up my breasts.

We went to my buddy Justin’s place and continued drinking, although by this point I had hit the "one more drink and I'll puke" stage and was drinking water. We were there for what seemed like thirty minutes, but, since it was nightfall when we left, it had to have been the better part of three hours. News to me.

I made it home without incident and woke up, surprisingly, feeling like a champion because I am a champion.