A Cash Gift

I’m a giver. I give to give, I don’t give to get – except in bed, of course, but even then, I’m pretty terrific about giving. My giving occasionally goes to the point when getting can make me very uneasy, except when the getting comes from my parents because they owe me for being such a perfect child, less the stints in rehab and the two or so times they had to bail me out of jail, but otherwise, I was/am the image of offspring perfection. Well, my parents recently informed me that my Dad’s brother is going to give me some money. It’s not a huge amount, (although probably more than TBC makes in a year). A normal person would jump for joy at this news and although I can think of lots of things to do with the money, I feel very uncomfortable about it. The thing is, I have never really had a relationship with my paternal uncle and only within the last five or so years, has my Dad rekindled their brotherly bond. So by taking the dough, I will feel indebted to him and his wife somehow, like I’ll owe them something in return, even if it is just my kinship. Nicole will not be bought… not for anything less than $250,000, anyway.

With the exception of my parents, of whom I’ve sucked dry for years, I’ve always come to things by my own means and have never borrowed or taken anything from anyone. I’ve never wanted to know what it’s like to ‘owe’ someone. So how does the story end? Although I am 26 and can chart my own course in life, my parents have so totally earned my respect (mostly for putting up with my shit) and the right to have the final word in most family matters. So, to spite my greatest efforts, my parents have instructed me that I will be accepting the money from my uncle graciously and in a mature manner.

Now watch… the fucker won’t send any money and, although I never wanted it in the first place, I’ll be totally pissed and internalize the matter until it drives me to a life of hard drugs, loose women,and fast cars. (Although, that doesn't sound too bad.)